


i'd like to show you a million things

by wafflesofdoom



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Established Relationship, Family Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Chronological, Other, Parenthood, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-21 04:28:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11349870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflesofdoom/pseuds/wafflesofdoom
Summary: ellen sugden-white quickly became the centre of everyones universe, her robert like smile and innocent eyes ready to melt hearts of stone.a collection of ficlets based around robert & aaron becoming dads and finding their feet as parents.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> prior warning (i guess lol) ellen is robert and rebecca's kid, so if you're not going to be happy with that, don't say i didn't tell ya, etc. 
> 
> also, title taken from lions and tigers by sleater-kinney.

 

 

 

 

Robert’s not really sure, if he’s a good dad. He’s trying, really, he is - but Ellen is only three weeks old, and it’s all so new, and scary, the sort of unknown territory you can’t prepare for.

He’d tried, sure. Robert had done his research, he’d talked with Aaron, he’d thought about how things had been when Victoria was born, but no amount of books, or online articles could have prepared him for the reality of having a newborn.

It was his first full weekend with her. They were still working out the custody thing, him and Rebecca, and so there was nothing official yet, no custody arrangement set in stone, and so he’d mostly had quiet afternoons and singular evenings with his daughter, Ellen Sugden-White bringing more noise into his life than he’d ever thought possible (she was really giving Liv, a run for her money, even at only a few weeks old.)

She was crying.

Robert hated when she cried.

Logically, he knew babies cried, but he still hated it when her little face would screw up, cheeks red as she’d scream, and he hated it even more when he didn’t know what was wrong.

He’d only changed her, and he’d fed her, when her first cries had begun, and so he didn’t know why she was so upset.

Maybe he was doing something wrong.

“How about a hug, hm?” Robert tried, scooping her into his arms. It was January now, cold and damp, and so she was wearing a cuddly soft onesie he was sure Victoria had bought for her, tiny dancing bears embroidered across the snow white material.

Ellen continued to wail, tiny face screwed up as she cried.

“I don’t like it when you cry,” Robert admitted, rocking her in his arms, something he’d seen other mums around the village do, something he’d seen Chrissie do, one recent afternoon in the pub.

Chrissie had thawed to him, lately. They’d never be best mates, no, but even she could see how earnestly he was trying to be a dad, trying to make up for all the things he’d done wrong in his life by pouring his heart into this new, tiny person, this little girl who didn’t know what a bad lot she’d gotten in life by having Robert Sugden as a dad just yet.

“I’m going to do my best to make you smile,” Robert continued, pacing the length of the spare room, the little room they’d turned into a nursery. Liv had been pissed, when she’d gotten back from Mauritius, and the nursery was the first time he’d seen her thaw - she’d painted little bears, and animals all across the back wall, a colourful explosion Ellen was sure to love as time went on.

Liv hadn’t forgiven him quite yet, but they were getting there.

“I’ll mess up,” Robert continued, grinning to himself as Ellen’s cries turned to soft snuffles, his daughters face pressed to his shoulder, cheek squished against the bare skin of his shoulder. “I’ll definitely mess up, but I promise I’ll always make sure you know you’re loved.”

“She’ll know.”

Robert turned around, smiling as he noticed Aaron standing in the doorway. He’d been trying, trying so hard lately, and things had been hard, since Ellen arrived, but Aaron was soft on her.

Robert knew he was, because he knew what love looked like when it shone from every inch of Aaron’s face, and it looked exactly like the soft smile, and the wide eyes that were half focused on Robert, half focused on Ellen.

“We’ll be okay, won’t we?”

Aaron nodded, crossing the nursery in a few short steps. “I was always going to love something that’s a part of you,” he said quietly, brushing a gentle thumb across Ellen’s forehead, his daughter drifting to sleep.

“I don’t deserve you,” Robert couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t hold it in. He didn’t deserve the love and forgiveness Aaron had given him, the way he was willing to take on raising a child who’d been convinced out of anger, out of spite, out of _hurt_.

But then again, Aaron had always been a better man than Robert, and he had a heart big enough to give so, _so_ much love to so many people, every single day.

“You do,” Aaron pressed a kiss to Robert’s bare shoulder. “She looks settled.”

Robert nodded, still rocking slightly on his heels. “I’m afraid I’m going to mess it all up,” he admitted, looking at Ellen. She was so perfect, so completely unaware of the realities of her life, the awkward family dinners and the unanswerable questions that were to come.

He didn’t want her to ever change from the little innocent bundle he held in his arms now, warm, tiny fingers pressed to his chest, right above where the bullet scar was, the harsh reminder that he’d almost missed out on all this.

“We love her,” Aaron nudged, looking at Robert intently. “We can figure the rest out.”

“We?” Robert hated how uncertain he still felt sometimes, how even now, it felt like walking on eggshells, wondering if he’d really been lucky enough to have had Aaron forgive him.

Aaron grinned as Ellen’s tiny fingers wrapped around his thumb, her grip surprisingly strong for such a small baby. “Yeah, _**we**_.”

 

 

 


	2. two

 

 

 

 

 

 

Robert hears the giggling from upstairs, the familiar sound of Aaron’s laughter, mixed with Ellen’s childish giggles. The sound is like music to his ears, if he’s honest, and Robert balances the basket of washing on his hip as he heads downstairs, eager to join in with whatever silliness was unfolding in their living room.

Aaron was lying on the living room floor, a princess crown perched on his head, Ellen wriggling around underneath him as Aaron tickled her, right where it made her giggle the most, under her armpits.

She was incredibly ticklish at the best of times, something she got from Bex, rather than from him, and they all used it to their advantage. There was no better way of making a bad day seem brighter than filling it with the giggles of a happy toddler.

“Papa, don’t!” Ellen snorted, trying to wriggle away from Aaron’s teasing fingers.

Papa.

They’d decided, right around the time Ellen was six months old, that they’d call Aaron papa. They’d sat and talked about it with Rebecca, decided Aaron was too formal for a man who was going to help to raise their bright and happy little girl, and so papa it was.

They’d made the best of the situation, over the years. It hadn’t been easy, it hadn’t been plain sailing from the day Ellen was born (Christmas Eve, the best present any of them would ever get in their lives) but all the arguments, all the heartache, it was worth it for moments like this, when Aaron was playing with their daughter, looking as though being a dad was his one true calling in life.

It probably was.

Aaron had taken to parenthood easily, easier than Robert or Rebecca had, if they were honest. He seemed to have an intuition for it, a sixth sense for how to be the best papa a kid could ask for.

Ellen was so lucky.

Deciding he’d better announce his presence, Robert set the basket of washing down at the bottom of the stairs, crossing the living room in a few short steps. “They’ll be able to hear you all the way down in London, giggles,” he teased, easing himself down onto the floor next to Aaron.

The carpet was covered in dolls, and stuffed animals, and a chipped tea-set Diane had bought her for Christmas, and Robert spotted Ellen’s duvet shoved in the corner, the intention clearly to build a fort, before her and Aaron had gotten distracted.

Ellen looked up at him from where she was sprawled out on the carpet, shockingly blonde hair tied up in two messy pigtails (he’d get the hang of doing hair, eventually) a jumper with a ridiculous, sparkly unicorn emblazoned across the front not matching the polka dot leggings she was wearing in the slightest, and she smiled.

“Daddy, papa is being a tickle monster,” she said by way of explanation, scrambling to her feet so she could throw her arms around Robert’s neck, her constantly affection and unending love for him overwhelming, even now, three years on.

Robert held her close, pressing his cheek against hers. “I guess we’ll just have to tickle papa then, won’t we?”

Ellen looked at him with wide eyes. “Is papa ticklish?” she asked in a stage whisper, fingers knotted in the sleeve of Robert’s t-shirt, a habit she’d picked up as a baby, her version of a comfort blanket.

Robert grinned at Aaron, who was red in the face from laughing, tatty pound shop crown still perched on the side of his head. “He’s even more ticklish than you, princess,” he confirmed, enjoying the way Ellen just _launched_ herself at Aaron, sticky hands pressing against Aaron’s armpits.

Aaron feigned laughter, enjoying the way it made Ellen giggle even louder, the little girl clearly delighted she was able to make Aaron laugh. “If your dad was ticklish,” Aaron said, scooping her up easily, Ellen laughing delightedly as Aaron rocked her in his arms. “We’d be able to gang up on him.”

“Isn’t everyone ticklish?” Ellen asked, genuinely curious.

Robert’s heart swelled about a thousand sizes as he looked at Aaron, watched as he replied, his love for Ellen so obvious nowadays.

“No,” Aaron shook his head, blowing a messy kiss against Ellen’s stomach. “Only the best people are ticklish, beans.”

 

 

 

 


	3. three

 

 

 

 

 

Ellen’s first word had been yogurt. Rebecca had filmed the grand occasion, and Aaron kept the video on his phone for when he needed a laugh, because Ellen yelling out the word yogurt over and over again, with a ridiculous smile on her face, is one of the best things he’d ever seen in his life.

She’d picked up a lot of random words since then. Dog, bob and spoon had all come before mummy and daddy, which Aaron kind of appreciated. Ellen was the most stubborn child he’d ever known, and the more Robert tried to get her to say daddy, the more she’d yell spoon, or dog at him.

Ellen had given in eventually, and her new favourite word was dada.

It was cute, not just for the dopey smile it always put on Robert’s face.

“Spoon!” Ellen waved her yogurt covered spoon at Aaron, a delighted smile on her face as she sat in her highchair, eating her lunch. It was a quiet Saturday morning, Robert having agreed to drive Liv to her new friend’s house in his ‘stupid flash car’ (Liv’s words, not his) leaving Aaron to sort Ellen and her breakfast ( _well, it was more like lunch now, considering she’d gotten them up at six am, and it was just ticking over to eleven, now._ )

“Yeah, and the spoon goes in the yogurt, beans,” Aaron nudged, directing her clenched fist back toward the bowl, yogurt all over the tray, all over her clothes.

He’d forgotten how messy toddlers were, now Leo was the very grown up age of eight.

Ellen waved her spoon at him, grinning toothily at him. She was the image of Robert, right down to the colour of his eyes, her blonde hair sort of expected, considering her mum and dad both had blond hair.

But she was Robert. Ellen had looked a lot like _Chrissie_ , actually, when she was first born, her hair the darker side of blonde, but she’d started to change as she hit two, ever a Sugden 0 though when she smiled, Aaron had discovered recently, she looked exactly like Rebecca, the woman they’d managed to reach a truce with, Ellen and her best interests the priority for the three of them.

Aaron twisted in his chair slightly, reaching for the cup of tea he’d put out of Ellen’s reach, the toddler having reached the age where she was liable to grab for anything, consequences be-damned.

“Papa.”

Aaron couldn’t help the way his eyes widened as Ellen spoke, the nickname Robert had been trying to coax out of her for weeks falling easily from the little girls lips. “Dada will be back soon,” he reassured, because surely - _surely_ \- he’d misheard.

Ellen shook her head, spoon clattering into the half eaten bowl of yogurt with a splash. “Papa!” she said, more determined this time, tiny hands reaching out for Aaron.

Aaron felt like his heart was going to explode.

“Papa!” Ellen practically yelled, looking frustrated now because Aaron wasn’t moving, wasn’t saying anything.

“Yeah,” Aaron said, scooping Ellen out of her highchair, holding her close to his chest, breathing in the familiar powdery scent that always lingered around her, and the familiar scent of too much Johnson’s baby shampoo ( _Robert’s bad habit_ ), Ellen smearing a yogurt covered hand against his cheek. “I am, I’m your papa.”

Ellen beamed at him. “Papa, play!”

If Aaron cried a little, when he put Ellen down on her mat in the living room, settling in to play with all the brightly coloured toys that had come to find a home in front of their fireplace, well -

no one except Ellen had to know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. four

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron’s strolling through the village, phone out, when he hears the first yell. He’s distracted by something Liv is texting him about (something he can only assume is going to lead to another meeting with her form tutor about Liv’s behaviour) and so he doesn’t take much notice.

Until he hears it again.

“Papa!”

Ellen’s in her buggy, on the opposite end of the road, Rebecca just rounding the corner from the bus-stop, clearing having had been on a walk with the little girl. Aaron couldn’t help but smile as he noticed Ellen was clutching the elephant teddy bear he had bought her, sticky fingers wringing the already well worn neck.

He gives them a wave, before continuing on his journey down the road toward the cafe. He’s got a list of lunch orders, volunteering to go and get food for Adam, Robert and Jimmy ( _with Robert’s card, because his husband leaves his wallet lying around the scrapyard and Aaron’s always happy to spend his money, thought the joint bank account they’d just applied for was going to leave that null and void_ ) purely to escape the stifling warmth of the portacabin.

“Papa! Papa!”

Aaron frowned to himself, wondering if Robert had come into the village after all, wondering why Ellen had suddenly decided to call him papa, over daddy, all the while Ellen yelling papa down the main street, Rebecca trying to hush her yells.

And then it dawns on him.

 _He’s_ papa.

Ellen had only called him papa for the first time a few weeks previously, and so he still wasn’t used to it.

God, she was looking for him.

Shoving his phone in his pocket, Aaron couldn’t help the flush in his cheeks as he realised half the village was out, and staring at Ellen’s hysterics, embarrassed that he hadn’t realised sooner.

Ellen was straining at the straps of her buggy, cheeks red hot and stained with tears as she looked at Aaron. “Papa!” she called mournfully, waving the elephant at him. “Papa!”

Glancing at Rebecca to make sure it was okay, Aaron unhooked her from her buggy, gathering the little girl into his arms, holding her tightly to his chest. Ellen stayed grumpy and upset for a second, hands hanging at her sides, before she hugged him, tiny arms straining to hook around his neck.

“Papa,” she said unhappily, pressing her cheek against Aaron’s.

“I’m sorry sweetheart,” Aaron said quietly, only loud enough for Ellen to hear. “Papa was being silly.”

Ellen beamed at him, Aaron instantly forgiven. “Papa, play?”

“I wish I could, but I’ve got to get your dad lunch, haven’t I?” Aaron said, balancing her easily on one hip. It was funny, really, how quickly she’d become a part of his daily life, how he considered her _his_ , as much as she was Robert’s and Rebecca’s. “Tell you what though, if it’s alright with your mum, there could be a cookie at Bobs with your name on it.”

Rebecca laughed at the delighted expression on Ellen’s face, nodding. “I was heading there anyway,” she admitted, the two of them falling into step beside each other as they headed for the cafe, Ellen nattering excitedly in Aaron’s ear about her morning spent at the soft play area in Hotten.

“Made a house!” Ellen declared, her hair neatly plaited into tiny little braids, a better job than he or Robert could ever pretend to do, tiny little bows knotted at the end of each braid.

Aaron looked at her, bright eyed, and _proud_. “That’s amazing! I hope your mum took pictures,” he said, nudging the door open with his hip, setting her down on the floor so she could toddle toward the counter. “Tell Bob I’ll be there in a second, okay?”

“You still not used to her calling you papa?” Rebecca asked, not unkindly, shoving the empty buggy into a corner. “Sometimes, when she’s yelling mummy, I think she’s looking for Chrissie - because it still makes more sense to me, that Chrissie’s a mum.”

Aaron laughed, a little relieved, if he was honest. “I cried, when she first called me papa,” he admitted, the word making his heart swell a thousand sizes as he listened to Ellen excitedly gesture at the cookies, a fond look on Bob’s face as she told him her papa was buying her one.

“I’m glad we’re making this work, Aaron,” Rebecca said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she spoke, half an eye on Ellen. “She’s lucky to have you.”

“Some kids don’t have anyone,” Aaron said, stark reminders of his own, all too often lonely childhood hitting him as he watched Ellen, realised how _loved_ she was. “She’s got three.”

Rebecca gave his elbow a squeeze, smiling. “Send her back to me when you need to head off,” she said, settling herself into one of the couches, looking delighted to have a few minutes to herself.

Aaron couldn’t help but grin as he scooped Ellen up, dangling her upside down, her laughter filling the cafe. “Did you pick a cookie?” he asked, turning her the right way around, Ellen poking him in the cheek with a grin that was oh-so reminiscent of Robert.

“Two.”

“You can have one,” Aaron laughed, rolling at his eyes at Bob. “ ** _One_** , beans.”

Ellen looked thoughtful for a second, before pointing to a chocolate cookie. “Love ‘oo papa,” she beamed, planting a messy kiss against Aaron’s stubbly cheek, scrunching up her nose in dislike as his rough facial hair rubbed against her skin.

It was the most endearing thing he’d ever seen in his life. 

There and then, Aaron decided that _‘love ‘oo papa’_ was one of the very best sentences he’d ever heard in his life.

He could definitely get used to being a papa.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. five

 

 

 

 

 

The onesie was the first thing Aaron ever bought her off his own back. They’d done the shopping for the nursery together, sure, a quiet event filled with white furniture and hastily picked out wall stencils, but the onesie was the first thing Aaron had bought for her because he wanted to buy it for her.

Ellen is four months old, when it finally fits (Aaron’s not the best judge of size, really) and Robert dresses her in the snow white material, smiling to himself as she kicks out her little legs, tuffs of blonde hair obscured by the hood as he tugs it up around her ears, the ridiculously cute image of his daughter dressed in a little sheep costume making it feel as though his heart was going to burst.

Robert tucks her little face under his chin, one hand under her wriggling bottom as he goes downstairs, cursing his choice of a spiral staircase for what felt like the millionth time since Ellen had come into their lives - it was tricky to navigate, and he didn’t like to imagine what level of absolute horror he was going to feel every time he looked at the stairs when Ellen started walking.

Ellen snuffled quietly against his t-shirt as he walked into the kitchen, Aaron standing at the sink, making them both some breakfast. They were planning a family day out, into Hotten for a few hours - a browse of the shops and maybe some lunch, the most adventurous they’d attempted to be since they’d all decided on a custody arrangement that gave Robert and Aaron a few days a week with the little one.

“Morning,” Robert greeted, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s hoodie clad shoulder. It was still hard, somedays, still hard to get past all Robert had done, how he’d hurt Aaron, but Ellen’s innocent little face and wide blue eyes were impossible not to love.

It had just taken time, and it would probably take some more time yet, but Aaron was starting to light up around Ellen, the same way he always had done with Liv, and it made Robert love him all the more.

“She looks so cosy,” Aaron grinned, playing with one of the floppy ears of the onesie, a soft smile on his face. He looked almost proud, proud that he’d bought Ellen a present, proud Robert had put it on her at all.

“I bet you wish you had one,” Robert grinned, cradling Ellen against his chest, the material of her sheep onesie soft underneath his fingertips. He was still getting used to how  _soft_  babies were, all fuzzy clothes and that soft lavender smell that lingered after every bath.

He could really like being a dad.

“I do, a bit,” Aaron grinned, easing Ellen out of Robert’s arms. He was doing that more lately, actively wanting to hold her. It was strange, to have to approach someone so tiny so carefully, but she didn’t come into the world in the happiest of ways, Robert supposed.

_(She’d brought a lot of happiness along with her in four months though, Ellen  already having had brokered an awkward peace between the Sugdens and the Whites in her short little life.)_

Robert watched as Aaron messed with the floppy ears on the onesie, pulling faces at a giggling Ellen, and he smiled.

Really,  _genuinely_  smiled.

It could be a good life, in the end.

 

 

 

 

 


	6. six

 

 

 

 

 

Ellen was always going to find out, Aaron mused as he walked toward the cricket pavilion, figuring it was still the place teenagers went to hide when they were fighting with their parents.

It was naive of them to think they’d keep it from her forever, that they would be able to avoid telling her about the less than ideal circumstances that had resulted in her being born.

Aaron wasn’t happy she’d found out because she’d overheard an argument between Rebecca, and Chrissie. They should have sat her down and told her, really, now she was sixteen and more worldly and mature that any of them were at that age, but she was going to be their little girl forever.

Now she was a little girl with  _a lot_  of questions.

Ellen was sitting on the steps of the cricket pavilion, jumper tugged down over her hands (a habit of his, she’d picked up), a hurt expression on her face as she sat, blonde hair billowing in the wind, waist length hair done up in intricate braids that made her Rebecca’s mirror image.

Her eyes were all Robert, though, Aaron couldn’t help but smile to himself as he got closer, that familiar blue-green that he’d woken up to every morning of the last seventeen or so years staring back at him from the daughter he loved so much.

“You’ve given us a right scare,” he called out, hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

“I didn’t want to talk to mum or dad,” Ellen admitted, budging up on the step so Aaron could sit next to her.

Aaron bumped his knee against hers, giving her a reassuring smile. “You can talk to me,” he said, reiterating a deal they’d made one quiet afternoon when he’d found her skiving off school. If she couldn’t talk to Robert, or Rebecca, she came to him - he was her listening ear.

Ellen was quiet, brow furrowed in a way that made Aaron want to kiss it away, make her back into the innocent little girl she’d been all her life. “I don’t understand,” she admitted. “You and dad, you’ve always been so gross, and in love. I don’t - I can’t believe dad cheated on you with my mum, and that’s why I’m here.”

Aaron sighed, hating that they even had to have this conversation in the first place. “It’s more complicated than that, beans,” he began, thinking back to those harrowing few months of close to two decades ago now. He didn’t think about it, not often, not anymore, not now their lives had moved on and they were so  ** _happy_**.

“He cheated on you,” Ellen repeated, sounding completely shocked.

Ellen really was all the best parts of the three of them. Headstrong, stubborn, and with a heart of absolute untouched gold, the kind of good they’d all ceased to be by time they’d been sixteen.

But she was good.  _So_  good, the kind of good that had Aaron beaming with pride when he went to a parents evening, and listened to her teachers rave about how smart, and kind she was, how she was going to fly through sixth form, and university.

He didn’t want that to ever change.

“I was in prison, when it happened,” Aaron admitted, knowing the admission wouldn’t shock her. They’d had a conversation about it, a few months back, and she knew Aaron had a dodgy past - she’d never know what for, if he could help it, but she knew he’d been inside.

“And that makes it okay?” Ellen snapped, her fiery temper blazing through (she’d gotten that one from all three of them.)

“No,” Aaron agreed. “But it might help you understand why.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Ellen admitted, leaning her head on Aaron’s shoulder.

“Decide that once I’ve explained?” Aaron proposed, knowing she was her fathers daughter through and through, unwilling to listen to any side of the story other than the one she was convinced was right.

Ellen nodded.

“You dad and I had just gotten married,” Aaron reminisced. “I didn’t cope, very well, and I left your dad with a lot to deal with, and when he found out I’d started taking drugs, we had a massive bust up.”

“So he cheated on you?” Ellen raised an eyebrow, looking unconvinced.

“Your dad and I have  _always_  been in love,” Aaron said, understanding it now, knowing his past with Robert better now, after seventeen years of marriage. “But we weren’t always very good at being in a relationship.”

“How could you forgive him?” Ellen asked, Aaron barely holding in laughter as he remembered how she and a girl in her form had stopped talking because of some tiny, minuscule disagreement. Forgiving your husband for cheating must seem like an alien concept.

“Because I love him.”

“And it’s that easy?”

Aaron shrugged. “It was worth it,” he tried to steer the conversation again, some things not feeling like they were suited to a conversation with a sixteen year old. Maybe when she was twenty six, or thirty six. “I got you, didn’t I?”

Ellen moved so she was looking at him, tears in her eyes. “How didn’t you hate me?”

Aaron’s heart  _ached_ , as the weight of her question sunk in, and he took a few seconds to gather his thoughts before he replied. “I wondered, before you were born, if I could deal with Robert becoming a dad,” he admitted, figuring honesty was the best policy. “But there was this night. God, you must have only been three or four weeks old, a proper little baby, and Robert was sound asleep, so I got up to check on you when you started crying. You were a fussy baby, always crying - but I gave you a bottle, and a cuddle, and you fell asleep on my shoulder, and so I just sat up all night in your nursery with you because I didn’t want to put you down.”

He remembered the night so clearly, one of the first times he’d done the night feed with Ellen. She’d been so tiny, and soft, and  _precious,_ and in that moment he had known he’d love her.

How couldn’t he love her? She was part of Robert, after all, and in the years since, she’d become someone so unmistakably himself, someone he’d been so proud to have a hand in raising.

“I loved you in that moment,” Aaron continued, wrapping a protective arm around her shoulder. “And I have loved you every single day since, beans. Maybe it wasn’t ideal, how you came into our lives - but none of us regret it, I don’t regret it.”

“Really?”

“Not for a single second,” Aaron hugged her tightly, feeling his phone vibrate against his thigh again. “Now, can we go home to your dad before he has a heart attack, thinking you’ve run away?”

“Is he really worried?” Ellen’s face screwed up as she looked at Aaron, knowing she was in for it from all sides, Robert and Rebecca more than unhappy with her disappearing act.

Aaron pressed a kiss to the side of her forehead, hating the disbelief in her voice. “Don’t ever doubt how loved you are, Ellen,” he said, not wanting her to ever feel as though she wasn’t loved, or wanted, because she  _was_. “You just happen to have there parents, not two.”

Ellen gave a teary laugh, letting Aaron tug her up off the step, and down the hill toward home.

“Your dad took me on a picnic here once,” Aaron commented, always wanting to balance out a bad memory, with a good one. “It was a few months after we got married - after I got out of prison.”

“Yeah?”

Aaron slung an arm around her shoulders, guiding her along the path. “Yeah,” he confirmed. “Proper made an effort, your dad, wanted to put a smile on my face again.”

“Did it work?” Ellen asked, holding tightly to the back of Aaron’s hoodie.

“Your dad always knows how to make me smile,” Aaron confirmed as they rounded the corner to the Mill, gravel crunching under their feet as they approached the house, their door bright blue now, a mad notion Robert had the previous summer, the two of them spending an entire weekend repainting the house.

Aaron paused, turning Ellen to face him. “Your dad loves you, beans - more than you know,” he said quietly. “Give him a chance, yeah? Don’t be mad at him for something he did a long time ago. We’ve all moved on.”

Before Ellen could reply, Robert flung the front door open, eyes wide as he realised Aaron had found her. “Ellen,” he breathed out, clearly itching to give her a hug, but unsure of where he stood.

Unsure of where he stood with his own daughter.

They’d promised they’d never be like their parents, that their kids would  _always_ know they were loved, and wanted.

“I’m sorry,” Ellen said, reaching out to wrap her arms tightly around Robert’s middle , burrowing her face in his chest, Robert breathing an audible sigh of relief as she hugged him.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, love,” Robert murmured, eyes squeezed shut as he held her tightly.

“I shouldn’t have ran off.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Robert agreed, refusing to let go of her. “But you shouldn’t have found out the way you did.”

“How about we go inside, eh?” Aaron nudged, jerking his head toward their open front door, not sure their driveway was the best place to be airing all their dirty laundry and family secrets.

Robert nodded, guiding Ellen back into the house, not loosing his grip on her, as though he was afraid she was going to disappear, run away again. Aaron eased their front door shut behind him, breathing a sigh of relief as he was  _home_  again, home with his family.

“I’ll put the kettle on,” Aaron said, Robert and Ellen already settling themselves on the couch, a serious expression on Robert’s face.

“I’ve not always done things I’m proud of, Ellen,” Robert began, holding Ellen’s hands in his own. “But I’m proud of you, okay? I’m so proud that I get to be your dad, and I don’t want you to ever doubt that.”

Aaron leaned against the kitchen counter, and he couldn’t help but be a little proud - how of they’d coped, how they’d handled the situation, how  _he’d_ handled it all. They’d come a long way, in seventeen years, and the teenager sitting on the couch, the spitting image of her father, could take most of the credit for making them the family they were today.

( _Her, and the dark haired twins who were off winding up their nana Chas _, all curls and blue eyes, and Aaron through and through._ )_

 

 

 

 

 


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> robert comes home from work late one evening, and hears ellen call aaron papa for the first time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had been the literal day from hell. Robert wasn’t even sure how he’d made it to the end of the day, if he was honest - he’d overslept, that morning, exhausted from the sleepless night Ellen had put down, and then he’d spent his entire day at a stupid business conference Nicola had forced him to go to, which had been less of a business conference, and more like an entire day of listening to stuck up  _idiots_  talk about how much money they were worth.

All he wanted - like, in the entire world - was to go home, get a cuddle off Ellen, and snog the face off his husband (like he didn’t get to do that morning), but even that wasn’t looking likely, not when he’d gotten stuck in a traffic jam in Leeds, and then got stuck behind a tractor on the road in from Hotten, making it well past Ellen’s bedtime now.

The universe, Robert decided as he switched off his ignition, the familiar outline of the Mill looking like heaven on earth to his bone tired limbs, was out to put him in absolutely foul humour.

Grabbing his briefcase, Robert headed for the house, happy to see the lights still on downstairs. At least Aaron would still be up, he supposed, hating that he’d have to make do with checking in on a sleeping Ellen.

He heard Aaron’s voice, as soon as he opened the front door, and Robert’s heart could have melted in his chest.

“Beans, you’ve got to go to sleep,” Aaron said, Ellen balanced on his hip as he paced circles around the kitchen, already in his own pyjamas. It was so ridiculously domestic, watching his husband try and lull their daughter to sleep, Aaron as sleep soft and messy looking as Ellen.

“Dada!” Ellen responded, shaking her head.

“I know, I wish he was home too,” Aaron admitted, pressing a kiss to the side of Ellen’s head. “But if we send you back to your mum tomorrow and you’re like a zombie, she won’t be too happy.”

Ellen pressed a hand to Aaron’s cheek, shaking her head. “Dada,” she repeated, Robert not quit believing his daughter was so adamant she wasn’t going to be until she had seen  _him._

“He’ll be home soon,” Aaron reassured, voice soft, and kind as he spoke. “I promise.”

“Love ‘oo papa.”

Robert paused, still half in, half out of the front door. Aaron had told him, she’d called him papa for the first time the previous Saturday, but Ellen had been her usual stubborn self, and had refused to say it again.

But he was hearing it  **now**.

There had been a time where Robert had believed Ellen would be the breaking of them, of their marriage - a time when he’d wondered if they’d make it through, if he and Aaron would be able to survive the chaos Robert had caused, the  _hurt_ he’d caused.

They had though. They’d survived, and they were all the better for it, and Robert - well, Robert couldn’t quite believe he was lucky enough to get to have Aaron, and have Aaron want to raise the most gorgeous girl in the world with him.

“Love ‘oo, papa,” Ellen repeated, beaming at Aaron, who was returning the smile, his face practically splitting in two as she spoke.

“I think that’s my favourite sentence,” Aaron admitted, holding Ellen close to his chest. “After your dad telling me he loves me, of course. But I still think you might win out sometimes, you know?”

“Papa, play?” Ellen asked, hopeful.

“You’ve got to sleep,” Aaron shook his head, practically pleading with her now.

Robert decided this was his moment to step in, save Aaron from the roundabout circle of pleading he was stuck in with Ellen. “Honey, I’m home,” he joked, tossing his keys and bag onto the couch.

“Dada!” Ellen beamed, trying to wriggle out of Aaron’s arms instantly, Robert feeling his usual overwhelming love for her as she grinned at him, a near mirror image of himself at her age.

“Hiya love,” Robert scooped her into his arms happily, breathing in the family scent of the lavender shampoo they used, Ellen’s tiny arms slung around his neck. “What are you doing still up, eh? It’s way past your bedtime.”

“She wanted you to put her to bed,” Aaron explained, giving Robert’s free hand a quick squeeze. “Go on, put her down, I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

Robert gave him a grateful smile before he turned to the stairs, keeping both hands on Ellen’s now very sleepy frame as he headed upstairs. “Did you have a good day with papa?” he asked, wanting to hear her say it again.

Ellen nodded. “Went to park,” she mumbled, holding tighter to Robert as they made their way up the very impractical spiral staircase.

“With who?” Robert nudged, knowing he should really just let her fall asleep - but he was selfish enough to admit he just wanted to hear her say it.

“Papa.”

Papa.

God, if it sounded good to him, how good did it sound to Aaron?

Robert gently put Ellen down in her cot, pulling her duvet up around her as she blinked up at him, green, more than blue, really, eyes sleepy. “I love you,” he said quietly, tucking her stuffed elephant under her chin, making her smile. “I love you up to the stars and back again.”

He’d bought that book, when Ellen was a few months old, the phrase Sarah had lulled him to so many times ringing in his head until he’d tracked down a copy of ‘Guess How Much I Love You’ in Waterstones.

“Love ‘oo dada,” Ellen mumbled back, already half asleep.

Robert stayed, crouched next to her cot for another few minutes, making sure she was fast asleep before he stood up, switching out her bedroom light for the little purple nightlight they had gotten a few months previously, Ellen starting to grow out of her habit of sleeping with a light on.

Robert’s bad day was all but forgotten as he made his way downstairs, and into Aaron’s waiting arms. “She called you papa,” he said, unable to keep the wonder out of his voice as he clung to Aaron, chin digging into his husband’s shoulder.

Aaron smiled against his neck, voice thick with tears as he replied. “Yeah,” he confirmed, grip on Robert’s jacket tight. “Proper little family now, aren’t we?”

Robert pulled back a little so he could look at Aaron properly, take in the joy, the real, genuine happiness on his husband’s face, the expression suited to Aaron’s face. “We always were.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm capseycartwright over on tumblr if you fancy a chat (or have an ellen related prompt that you'd love to see written, because this kid is my weakness.)


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